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A THERAPISTS GUIDE TO NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS Pt.1

Writer's picture: Kevin O'ByrneKevin O'Byrne

Updated: Jan 1



It's that time of year again when the question is asked 'what are your resolutions for the new year', regardless of who is asking them, they can bring up strong emotions. As a counsellor, working with someone through resolutions and positive change is my bread and butter. While I will annoy those seeking simple relief from my answers to their biggest questions, frankly I am in no position to tell you how to live or make resolutions.


What I can do is call back to my ethos of #CuriousNotCritical and lay out my two cents, via counselling & psychology theory to try prompt some self-directed reflection for you as we enter the new year.



1.        You do you!

If you don’t like resolutions, for whatever many reasons, that’s fine. It’s important for life 

in general and as a therapeutic outcome to develop the capacity to think (and act) for 

yourself and develop what we call in counselling, a strong ‘internal locus of evaluation’.  


This internal locus of evaluation is defined by theorist Carl Rogers as an assessment 

based in accordance with our own personally true goals, beliefs and values. In Roger’s 

assessment he contends that much mental and emotional suffering happens when we 

live in a way that is in accordance with others i.e. the external locus of evaluation. 

 

This can look like breaking your back to pay for a new car to impress the neighbors, 

putting inordinate pressure to show up on social media as happy, fit, busy or (insert 

aspiration). Whilst in isolation there’s nothing wrong with aspiring to a goal or to treat 

yourself to something new if you earned it, the chasm between your own goals and 

where you feel you ‘should be’ can be a lonely, hostile and distant desert. 

 

So, whatever you do (or don’t do) be #CuriousNotCritical and treat yourself with time 

and space to reflect on what is actually good for you, and wherever you land I am 

confident there will be something of merit for everyone here. 

 



2.        Don’t forget to remember

This was the last idea that came when writing this, but I think it should go in early. I've a 

blind spot and bias, as I’m sure many of us do, to be destination addicts or permanently 

thinking of the next thing. In moderation I am confident this has uses however it’s only 

one part of our toolkit, so before you even think of drawing up or enacting a new year’s 

resolutions list, I invite you to be #CuriousNotCritical and look back at 2024

 

It is not enough to invite only critique in, to lament our misfires and ruminate on missed 

opportunities, but it is indeed empathetic and more effective to have a fair and 

balanced report of our achievements. Here’s some practical exercises I give to clients:


Timeline exercise: 

1.        On a piece of paper oriented landscape, draw a line left to right.  This will be a  

chronological line. For simplicity it will represent all of 2024 from Jan to Dec, however you can adjust for smaller or bigger time periods. 

2.        Populate it with all of your achievements through the year. You can keep this for later and add to and edit or get creative with pictures 

This exercise can be surprising and powerful in its visual layout, it also can be rich in info to see how to ebb and flow of achievements as the year progressed

 

Self-audit exercise:

Think of all the skills you have, as if you were doing a CV or resume. It might be unnatural or cringe to do this but if approached sincerely and with self-compassion it can surprise and reaffirm. 

While it’s good to aim to improve or start new things in 2025, it’s important to recognize and maintain the good accrued in the past year and to internalize this via reflection. 




3.        Don’t sacrifice your life for your health

I robbed this lyric from the precocious and prolific Grian Chatten of Fontaines D.C. I think it’s deeper in wisdom and speaks to a lesser discussed aspect of balancing self-improvement with raw living. 

 

Resolution culture often hinges around what is external and measurable i.e. calories, 

followers, body mass, v02 max or books read per week etc., however, much of our lived 

existence cannot be quantified, commodified or banked up for later.  So, whilst 

measured self-improvement is very good for us and commendable we must 

be cautious to not let a framework or rule slam the door on the naïve and spontaneous 

aspect of life when it comes knocking. 

 

I invite moderation in moderation: if you prefer to have a less routine sleep to fit in 

hobbies or balancing personal with professional life, fine. If you prefer to be less active 

for another end, fine. If you know social coffees or pints messes up your sleep but the 

fun is worth it from time to time, fine. 

 

We don’t get out of this car alive, and whilst we want to ensure it’s running in tip top

order, let’s pull our head up out of the map to enjoy the sights off the beaten 

track. 



 

4.        You can change your mind as you go

If you set a goal for the new year and find that by February but you’re not sticking to it, I

invite you, before chastising yourself, to be #CuriousNotCritical and ask what change, modifications or adjustments might actually help? And do you give yourself permission to change? 


Think of two scenarios: A & B 

 

A.       you will

  • go the gym 5 days per week at 7am, 

  • run 10k Sunday 

  • stick to a X diet with zero alcohol or late nights 

B.       You will

  • go to the gym 2 days per week at 7am but go after work on Monday

  • You will do a gentle run for 1 hour either Saturday or Sunday

  • You stick to X diet and no alcohol except for Saturday or occasions

 

There’s a fair point to A but if it was too much, having permission to modify to B would mean more enjoyment, engagement and ultimately more net benefit by being sustainable!

Challenges are excellent for improving our life and self-esteem, but being #CuriousNotCritical allows us to be pragmatic and empathetic to make lasting change.


For more on this, please subscribe or follow me at https://www.instagram.com/lyrictherapy_dublin/.


If you have any thoughts or questions I would be interested in hearing from you.



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