This week, I am focusing on more critical and philosophical aspects of thought underpinning the choice and maintenence of resolutions. Below you may find something interesting, surprising and hopefully useful!

9. Positive Action vs Reductive Action
Naturally, the resolutions often pop up in our head in a classic manner of ‘doing’ or
‘adding’ things to our plates like joining the gym, learning a new language or going for a
promotion. These are what I call ‘positive action’ resolutions, and they are great, but
they’re not everything.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can resolve to do is less;
like stepping down from a role, declining requests, engaging with solitary aspects of life
or ceasing activities that are not crucially important to make space for those that are.
I term these ‘reductive actions’ and they can be equally or more powerful.

10. Delegation is a superpower
One of the THE most powerful life changes you can make that requires no money or
equipment and can be accessed by everyone and anyone is delegation: i.e.
Asking someone else to do something or to step in an assist you.
Oftentimes we have scripts that we should be self-sufficient, or we shouldn’t bother
people (I’m guilty as a high energy male). This is a fallacy for two reasons, we’re social
creatures and we’ve weaknesses to match our strengths.

11. Swap the stick for the carrot

We often read about resilience, grit and willpower and behind the often informative and
empowering utilitarian semiotics is a more nefarious script:
if you’re not succeeding, you’re not drawing from your natural well of resilience and if
you’re not succeeding, you’re fundamentally unworthy compared to X or Y person.
This mindset isn’t just harsh, it’s not very effective. Instead of taking a comparative or
punitive view of motivation (the stick to beat ourself with) I invite one to become more
intimately aware of our values, what actions are in accordance with these values and
how good it will feel to live in accordance with these internal values.

12. Changes aren’t entirely positive, and not all change will be positively received
Let’s get honest, positive change is virtually never always entirely positive e.g.
Improving our relationship to substances or food can feel a lot less fun!
Putting up healthy boundaries may mean less craic or more conflict for wellbeing
Learning a new skill can temporarily be frustrating, embarrassing or bring up old doubts
We sometimes get sick of doing the same ‘auld dance, so we change up the steps, this
is perfectly fine, however if those dancing with you insist on pushing the old dance on
you, egos will clash! Despite self-improvement being a personal thing, a certain cohort
of people will respond to your change with projections, undermining or conflict.
This may not necessarily be conscious or by design, however we are emotional beings
and we love status quo in an ever changing world. Those who have external locus of
evaluation may look outside and be threatened by another’s change as an attack on
their own way or a disruption of the sweet setup they had with the older version of you.

Here's a picture of a Negroni to finish. But why? Well, firstly like this blog and resolutions it won't be to everyone's taste, despite constituent parts. But, also like life it is a mix of bitter and sweet which generally results in a nice finish! If nothing else, may it be a thought for warmer and brighter days awaiting us.
I’m not trying to be negative moreover I believe to be effective in life to have
an honest an accurate audit of our actions and subsequent consequences (internally or
externally).
If you have any thoughts or questions I would be interested in hearing from you and for more on this, please subscribe or follow me at https://www.instagram.com/lyrictherapy_dublin/.
Kevin O’Byrne
Psychotherapist (MIACP)
BA, H.Dip, MA.
Kevin O’Byrne is a counsellor/psychotherapist in private practice in Dublin City, as well as working for the City of Dublin Education Training Board providing counselling and psychological support to learners in post-primary settings. Additionally, he is an active musician and therapist to professionals in the creative industries in Ireland.
#lyrictherapydublin #lyrictherapy #counselling #psychotherapy #IACP #southwilliamstreet #positivepsychology #newyearsresolutions #existentialtherapy
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