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A therapists guide to New Years Resolutions Pt. 3

Writer's picture: Kevin O'ByrneKevin O'Byrne

This week, I am focusing on more critical and philosophical aspects of thought underpinning the choice and maintenence of resolutions. Below you may find something interesting, surprising and hopefully useful!


The one take away from this blog might be to TAKE AWAY!
The one take away from this blog might be to TAKE AWAY!

9. Positive Action vs Reductive Action

Naturally, the resolutions often pop up in our head in a classic manner of ‘doing’ or

‘adding’ things to our plates like joining the gym, learning a new language or going for a

promotion. These are what I call ‘positive action’ resolutions, and they are great, but 

they’re not everything. 

 

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can resolve to do is less; 

like stepping down from a role, declining requests, engaging with solitary aspects of life

or ceasing activities that are not crucially important to make space for those that are. 

I term these ‘reductive actions’ and they can be equally or more powerful. 


If your life was a kingdom would you be managing your energy in the right areas?
If your life was a kingdom would you be managing your energy in the right areas?

10. Delegation is a superpower

One of the THE most powerful life changes you can make that requires no money or

equipment and can be accessed by everyone and anyone is delegation: i.e.

Asking someone else to do something or to step in an assist you. 

Oftentimes we have scripts that we should be self-sufficient, or we shouldn’t bother

people (I’m guilty as a high energy male). This is a fallacy for two reasons, we’re social

creatures and we’ve weaknesses to match our strengths. 


The Eisenhower matrix a very handy tool to keep for daily life!
The Eisenhower matrix a very handy tool to keep for daily life!

 

11. Swap the stick for the carrot 


You can swap out the prescribed carrot for a generic treat, but most of us probably won't choose the stick!
You can swap out the prescribed carrot for a generic treat, but most of us probably won't choose the stick!

We often read about resilience, grit and willpower and behind the often informative and 

empowering utilitarian semiotics is a more nefarious script: 

if you’re not succeeding, you’re not drawing from your natural well of resilience and if 

you’re not succeeding, you’re fundamentally unworthy compared to  X or Y person.  

 

This mindset isn’t just harsh, it’s not very effective. Instead of taking a comparative or 

punitive view of motivation (the stick to beat ourself with) I invite one to become more

intimately aware of our values, what actions are in accordance with these values and 

how good it will feel to live in accordance with these internal values.  

Not everyone will smile upon your positive changes!
Not everyone will smile upon your positive changes!

12. Changes aren’t entirely positive, and not all change will be positively received

Let’s get honest, positive change is virtually never always entirely positive e.g.

Improving our relationship to substances or food can feel a lot less fun!

Putting up healthy boundaries may mean less craic or more conflict for wellbeing

Learning a new skill can temporarily be frustrating, embarrassing or bring up old doubts

 

We sometimes get sick of doing the same ‘auld dance, so we change up the steps, this 

is perfectly fine, however if those dancing with you insist on pushing the old dance on

you, egos will clash! Despite self-improvement being a personal thing, a certain cohort 

of people will respond to your change with projections, undermining or conflict. 

 

This may not necessarily be conscious or by design, however we are emotional beings 

and we love status quo in an ever changing world. Those who have external locus of 

evaluation may look outside and be threatened by another’s change as an attack on 

their own way or a disruption of the sweet setup they had with the older version of you.

Here's a picture of a Negroni to finish. But why? Well, firstly like this blog and resolutions it won't be to everyone's taste, despite constituent parts. But, also like life it is a mix of bitter and sweet which generally results in a nice finish! If nothing else, may it be a thought for warmer and brighter days awaiting us.


I’m not trying to be negative moreover I believe to be effective in life to have 

an honest an accurate audit of our actions and subsequent consequences (internally or 

externally).


If you have any thoughts or questions I would be interested in hearing from you and for more on this, please subscribe or follow me at https://www.instagram.com/lyrictherapy_dublin/.


Kevin O’Byrne

Psychotherapist (MIACP)

BA, H.Dip, MA.


Kevin O’Byrne is a counsellor/psychotherapist in private practice in Dublin City, as well as working for the City of Dublin Education Training Board providing counselling and psychological support to learners in post-primary settings. Additionally, he is an active musician and therapist to professionals in the creative industries in Ireland.


 


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