photo credit: Tom Ham
Many of my clients paritcularly my go-getter/type A clients of all gender identities and backgrounds balk at the idea of self-compassion, but remember self compassion is greatly misunderstood!
-Self compassion is not woo-woo for snowflakes. If you went to your doctor or personal trainer or a local cafe and you were subjected to judgment instead of an appropriate service, you’d likely not want to give them your business. So don’t treat yourself like that snarky person who chimes in unsolicited when all you want is what you came for!
-There’s enough external culture and forces to make us feel bad about ourselves. Call me mad but this is strangely linked with an agenda to instill with us a need to buy way more shit than we need to fill an empty hole. SELF ACCEPTANCE DOESN’T MAKE THE SHAREHOLDERS HAPPY!
You are perfect as you are, the self is as seasons.
The world itself is in a natural state of flux; seasons, tides, lunar phases, the sun and stars etc. I would invite people to try viewing their own progress as the same and we can pendulate between
A) I am absolutely fundamentally ok as a person irrespective of my status (I feel this is true)
B) I am absolutely able to benefit from the meaning and pleasure derived from examining what about my thoughts, attitudes or lifestyle is not serving me or the world and work to make realistic changes.
Too much of A) can mean lethargy, complacency, loss of vitality and potentially a seed of regret that could come from not taking action with our time.
BUT, too much of B) can lead to burnout, unhealthy comparison, chasing the material, chasing clout or status and a sense one is wishing away their precious time to engage in some toxic western guru incensed wellness cult.
Self compassion to me, is a practical tool, to love oneself as you would a child or a partner or family member, if you don’t reach an external metric you are still fundamentally ok. From this place of true self acceptance we have the flexibility and looseness to actually work towards our goals. We go to the mechanic to get our car looked at, not for a lecture, we go to the gym or hobbies to get better and enjoy, not to be looked down at.
So be #CuriousNotCritical and in the spirit of IDLES, practice aggressive self-compassion (OR ELSE)
''If someone talked to you the way you do to you
I'd put their teeth through. Love yourself!
And that's what they do, The bastards made you
Not want to look like you so you pay through the nose
To look like someone else All the weirdos on the shelf''
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