I am here to send out a message to proponents of big-candle and those face mask schills that I won’t be silent on exposing their nefarious infection of our society!.....
Ok, I’m being facetious for dramatic purposes, I’ll take off the tin foil hat if you’ll hear me out on this;
You might have been sold the lie of Self Care!
In our western society norms are so embedded that we often don’t realise how deep our values are shifted by it. We may understand that the culture around self-care is focused around either a) buying something; to temporarily allay ones stress; e.g. face mask, candles, massage, wine or a city break or b) a quick cut and dry CBT or mindfulness course to get you back in action so you can be a good worker bee!
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong about the aforementioned purchases or resources, however I believe that we should not immediately rush to dissolve symptoms as they’re often rich in meaning and can be our bodies telling us what it needs. Maybe you’re stressed because you’ve lost meaning, you feel undervalued, you’re taking on too much or you have different aspirations and that is a perfectly normal part of the human condition! To try eradicate a dissatisfaction that runs deep via more superficial or fleeting self-care acts is like putting a plaster on something that needs a trip to the hospital!
Don’t get my wrong, there’s a time and place for plasters, however I would invite you to consider that often TRUE SELF care is not very sexy, but can entail
Redrawing boundaries with work, partner or your family of origin
Learning to delegate tasks in work, with your partner or whoever!
Saying NO: whilst it can evoke shame and awkwardness in the present can save us from regretting taking on too much later!
Privileging your introverted side (saying no to the party or the invite for a coffee/pints) or
feeding your more extroverted side, allowing yourself to carve out time to catch up or go out for a dance or take up that hobby
Not qualifying yourself when you have needs or a grievance
Asking for your needs to be met e.g. need for privacy, need for someone to just listen, need to be allowed feel the way you feel in the moment, need for tasks to be shared more evenly, need for your romantic or sexual needs to be met
reskilling, upskilling or a change of career; either internally or with another employer.
This list could be exhaustive, but what I am trying to emphasize is that sometimes the optics of self-care signified in our culture conflate self care with ‘treats’ or ‘indulgences’ whereas learning to say I need X or Y, letting yourself do that thing you always wanted to pursue or indeed asking someone to kindly f&*k off is as good as any holiday or spa day!
I should finally add that I am aware some of the listed suggestions may depend on having a certain privilege of money, ability, family or origin or other circumstances, but I mean it simply in the spirit of my motto #CuriousNotCritical. If we can meet our needs like we would meet those of another with curiousity, respect and care then we can truly engage in a meaningful life.
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